


do i tell you? no, it's too hard.

by AUVERSJEON



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), carat - Fandom
Genre: Crack, M/M, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Sex, fuck buddies, mature content, semi-angst, semi-fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:55:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AUVERSJEON/pseuds/AUVERSJEON
Summary: "There's nothing wrong with telling him. So what if you get feelings for your fuck buddy? Shout it to the world." Lee Chan throws in an apple in his mouth. "I'm in love with my fuck buddy!"Seungkwan knew that Lee Chan, the twerp that he was, would not take him seriously. At all."How you got to say yes to this, I will never know." Seungkwan tells Wonwoo. Wonwoo chuckles, as he grabs his plate to the sink and kissing the younger on his temple."And that's what you get if you risk your whole life to tell the person you love how you feel." Lee Chan says as he points out to Wonwoo, and proceeds to the television.Seungkwan hated when Chan was right.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Kim Mingyu, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Wonwoo/Lee Chan | Dino
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	do i tell you? no, it's too hard.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! it's bonita again! i'm sorry i haven't been updating hit my line (even if it's just one chapter left, ik im horrible) but i'll definitely get right to it once i'm done with all the schoolwork.
> 
> ok nuff of that. hope u guys enjoy this gyuboo fic.

The night was cold, as Seungkwan suspected. His dire need to smoke right now was undeniably booming in his system right now, and he was just glad that Moon Junhui or his best friend, that he calls by the name Wonwoo — sometimes it would be "dumbass" in days where he didn't feel so annoyed at him or "asshat" when he was definitely not in the mood — were not there to call him out about his smoking habit.

So what was wrong about lighting one up tonight? It was a perfect match with his champagne anyway.

"Feeling stressed their, _baby boy_?" Mingyu wraps his arms around Seungkwan's waist, both of them admiring the view of the city lights, and the busy streets which earned both of them a sniff of the pollution, and the smoke coming from Seungkwan's cigarette that was finished midway.

Mingyu breathes in the more fragrant smell of Seungkwan's strawberry body wash that Mingyu loved so much; the only reason why Seungkwan started using them too. He remembers Mingyu that one night; after a good and senseless fuck in Seungkwan's penthouse, that Mingyu mentioned how Seungkwan smelled like a tangy fruit and how it turns him on. Best believe that Seungkwan ran to the mart the next day, buying stocks (maybe even buying the whole stack) of that strawberry body wash.

"Hmm... I guess it's good you're here. To take all this stress off of me." Seungkwan says, as he places his now finished cigarette butt in the ashtray. Seungkwan hugs Mingyu's arms, gripping on them lightly.

Mingyu kisses Seungkwan's neck, nibbling lightly on the pale skin as Seungkwan rambles on about his day. Mingyu was one to listen to Seungkwan's efforts to just get through the day, but Seungkwan was undeniably hot in his silk robe (a bonus from the strawberry body wash, which was somehow also the reason why Mingyu was so turned on tonight).

"Do you ever listen to me?" Mingyu smiles into Seungkwan's neck, as he continues to kiss on his neck. Mingyu goes up a bit on Seungkwan's ear, blowing into it, knowing this turns Seungkwan on.

"I do listen to you. But you're awfully hot tonight." Mingyu continues to nibble on Seungkwan's ear, tugging on it a bit. Seungkwan groans, pinching Mingyu on the arm in the process.

"How 'bout we take this to the bedroom?" Mingyu whispers hotly into Seungkwan's ear. Seungkwan shuts his eyes, taking all of Mingyu in his system. Mingyu's hard-on was not helping Seungkwan compose himself, as he felt it by the nick of his plump ass.

* * *

Seungkwan pushes Mingyu into the bedroom, not answering Mingyu's question. He doesn't hesitate to take his robe off, leaving him completely naked in Mingyu's view; which gives his eyes the lust that Seungkwan wanted to see. Mingyu bites his bottom lip, looking up and down on Seungkwan. Mingyu moves backward slowly as he feels the edge of the bed by the back of his legs — making him tumble on to the bed.

"Want me to take over, daddy?" Seungkwan says rather harshly, and Mingyu's lip could bleed at this rate if he continued to bite on his bottom lip harshly.

All because of Boo Seungkwan.

"You? A top tonight? I don't think so, baby boy." Mingyu then stands up, switching themselves. Seungkwan was now pushed on the bed, his back hitting the softness of his duvet.

Mingyu removes his fitted black shirt in an instant, and Seungkwan was glad that Mingyu realized he was still fully clothed. The fitted shirt was not helping on Seungkwan's hard-on, which twitched at the sight of Mingyu in nothing but his pants. (Yes, Mingyu topless turns Seungkwan on. Almost instantly, at that).

"I'm only topless, babe. I didn't know I turn you on this much." Mingyu's raspy voice was definitely not helping Seungkwan. He wanted to touch himself right now, but he knew he'd always choose to be touched by Mingyu than his hands that jerked off to a picture of Mingyu fucking him senseless over and over in his head.

"Please, Mingyu. Just fuck me already." Seungkwan growls, and Mingyu smirks.

Mingyu doesn't waste his time and gets on top with Seungkwan — grinding on his bare length that creates a fiction with Mingyu's pants. Seungkwan hisses at the feeling of Mingyu's pants on top of his bare cock, which did not feel so great.

"Take them off. Please." Seungkwan pleads, and as much as Mingyu wanted to tease his baby boy more, he knew he wasn't going to control himself anymore and cum in his pants if he continued being a tease. Mingyu kissed Seungkwan roughly, feeling the heat of their skin on each other.

Mingyu does as he is told and removes his pants in a split second, not wanting to make Seungkwan wait even more. Mingyu was considerate for his baby boy, and if he was stressed out and the only thing needed was the need of pleasure, he’ll do whatever it takes to give it to Seungkwan — anytime, anywhere.

Mingyu goes back to kissing Seungkwan, roughly inserting his tongue inside Seungkwan’s parted mouth, as they tasted each other of what seemed to be a mix of the champagne and cigarette. 

Mingyu touches Seungkwan all of a sudden, as he kissed Seungkwan out of sheer lust, loving the fact that Seungkwan was in no control tonight. Mingyu bobs his hand up and down, the precum coming out of Seungkwan’s throbbing head.

”Shit.” Seungkwan moaned in between their kiss.

Mingyu parted ways from what seemed to be a messy make-out session, compared to the make-outs they’ve done before, and went down on Seungkwan — kissing the tip of Seungkwan’s length, running out of patience.

Seungkwan grabs the sheets, feeling Mingyu’s mouth bob up and down his shaft, making him a moaning mess.

”Fuck, yes. Faster.” Seungkwan pleads, grabbing Mingyu’s hair, guiding him into the process of blowing him.

Mingyu moans into the blowjob, making Seungkwan’s knees weak. He hated it when Mingyu did such because he knew he’d come with no warning.

”Please, daddy. Just get inside me.” Seungkwan almost came when Mingyu moaned into the blowjob, but he didn’t want to come. Not yet.

Not until Mingyu was fucking him raw.

Mingyu parted his lips from the red, throbbing length — satisfied with the that job he did. Mingyu got up, and took off his briefs, that were annoyingly tight, now that he had a full hard-on.

Mingyu positions himself into Seungkwan’s entrance, placing just the right amount of lube into his own shaft, rubbing it on his length.

”Wait, where are the handcuffs? Tie? Belt?” Seungkwan asked, and Mingyu chuckled.

”Not tonight, baby boy. I just want to fuck you good tonight.” Mingyu says, and Seungkwan has no idea why but he couldn’t believe how Mingyu could say those words in the sexiest yet caring way.

“Though, I’d love it if I fucked you from the back.” Mingyu requests, and Seungkwan blushes. Mingyu was an ass person, and Seungkwan was not particularly a show-off, but he was proud of what the gods of asses gave him.

Seungkwan positions himself — head down, ass up. Just as Mingyu liked it. It was not the first time they actually fucked this way, it just surprised Seungkwan there would be no use of any toys or equipment for tonight.

Knowing Mingyu, he loved to use them during sex.

”Ready, baby?” Mingyu asks, and Seungkwan nods furiously, wanting to take in all of Mingyu tonight.

Seungkwan felt Mingyu’s tip enter him, and that alone made him cuss under his breath. Mingyu takes it slow, giving Seungkwan the time to adjust to the, rather big, length of Mingyu.

Mingyu pounds himself into Seungkwan once he was fully inside, their moans clashing together in the quiet, peaceful penthouse. Mingyu goes slow at first, thrusting in and out of Seungkwan while his hands would guide Seungkwan’s hips to make their bodies go in synch — it was hotter that way.

”Shit, Mingyu.” Seungkwan moans, gripping into the sheets, “Fuck me harder, faster.” Mingyu was so turned on by the dirty talk and he does as Seungkwan says — pounding faster, harder into Seungkwan.

”Shit.” Mingyu looks down at Seungkwan’s ass, clapping with his own skin. The sound making it unbearably possible for Mingyu to come right now, but he wouldn’t, not until Seungkwan says so.

Mingyu grabs the chance to spank Seungkwan, earning a yelp from the man who was going to come any minute if Mingyu continued doing such. Mingyu doesn’t hesitate to spank him again, and gripping tightly on Seungkwan’s ass, knowing he had no self-control over Seungkwan’s asset. It was driving him crazy.

”I-i’m going to come. Fuck, baby. Yes, right there.” Seungkwan moans, and Mingyu quickens his pace, pounding at Seungkwan to the fullest ability that he could do. 

“Come for me, baby.” Mingyu says in his raspy voice, grabbing on to Seungkwan’s shaft and jerking it off, giving Seungkwan the utmost pleasure he experienced after weeks of not being touched.

”Fuck. I’m coming.” Seungkwan comes into Mingyu’s hand, the white liquid still intact with Mingyu’s fingers as he sloppily thrusts in and out of his fuck buddy.

Mingyu came a few minutes after, jerking off and coming on to Seungkwan by the small of his back. 

Mingyu immediately grabbed the tissues, wiping off the liquid on Seungkwan’s back, and cleaning up his hand and shaft right afterwards.

”That was...” Seungkwan pants, his legs completely giving up on him. “Amazing.”

”You,” Mingyu plops down next to Seungkwan, kissing Seungkwan’s temple before he closed his eyes, almost drifting into a good sleep. “Are amazing.”

Seungkwan pants, not knowing if he was tired from the good sex he just had, or it was his heart doing that thing where it beats faster because of the endearing words Mingyu just said.

He chose to think of it as the former.

* * *

That was basically two months ago.

Well, Seungkwan and Mingyu would fuck from time to time, if their schedules weren’t always so packed. They knew that either of them would call up the other for a good fuck.

Not until Seungkwan grew feelings for the guy he promised to never get attached to.

_What ever happened to no strings attached, Seungkwan?_

"You know, it has been a year, Boo. Since the whole fuck buddy agreement. Just tell him for fuck's sake." Wonwoo was not in the mood to hear Seungkwan sulk about his possible failure in finding true love within a year — and he was definitely not in the mood to hear Seungkwan sulk about his chances of finding true love with his fuck buddy, Kim Mingyu.

"There's nothing wrong with telling him. So what if you get feelings for your fuck buddy? Shout it to the world." Lee Chan throws in an apple in his mouth. "I'm in love with my fuck buddy!" 

Seungkwan knew that Lee Chan, the twerp that he was, would not take him seriously. At all.

"How you got to say yes to this, I will never know." Seungkwan tells Wonwoo. Wonwoo chuckles, as he grabs his plate to the sink and kissing the younger on his temple.

"And that's what you get if you risk your whole life to tell the person you love how you feel." Lee Chan says as he points out to Wonwoo, and proceeds to the television.

Seungkwan hated when Chan was right.

”Look, what’s the worst possible scenario that could happen?” Chan asks, taking his eyes off the television to actually help his friend out. Wonwoo plops down right beside him, holding on to Chan’s waist out of instinct.

 _Damn it. I want what they have_. Seungkwan thought.

”The fact that he wouldn’t actually like me back scares the bejeezus out of me. _That_ is the worst possible scenario.” Seungkwan rants, sitting on the farthest end of the couch, sighing.

”Okay, that. But don’t you think you guys have been doing this so much in the long run that it’d be impossible to actually not have feelings for each other?” Seungkwan was awfully quiet. Somehow, Chan made sense.

”And that thing. The one you said two months ago. Does he ever tell you you’re amazing after sex?” Seungkwan cringes at the fact Chan knows the details, but he politely answers his friend with a shake of his head.

”So he said it? Out of the blue? Out of nowhere? And didn’t you guys use nothing? No belt? No tie? No whip? I mean, that says a lot about you guys.” 

Wonwoo comes in to the rescue, knowing he didn’t like it when Seungkwan had his hopes up. Chan was a positive person, looking at scenarios with a more positive perspective and Wonwoo loved that. Wonwoo, on the other hand, was more of the practical friend. Thinking of two things that could happen, and thinking of two plans and back-up plans for when things go haywire. 

That’s why both of them clicked.

“Look, just because they used nothing, doesn’t mean Mingyu has the hots for Seungkwan,” Wonwoo eyes Chan, who was sending him finger hearts. “And I’m sorry for being that debbie downer of a friend. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.” 

“But, somehow, Chan’s right.” Chan’s eyes beamed at his boyfriend’s sudden compliment. “You guys have been doing it for so long. A year, for crying out loud. It couldn’t always be meaningless and raw sex, and if it was, then he’s a complete dick.”

”How could he be a complete dick when we agreed to a no strings attached agreement?” Seungkwan asks, frustrated. Wonwoo shakes his head.

” _You_ agreed with yourself that you wouldn’t get attached.” Wonwoo says, and Seungkwan was in full-on denial.

”Um, no. That’s partially true, but it was in our agreement.” Seungkwan rummages through his phone, looking for the note he placed in his phone.

”Oh you mean the one you sent in our group chat?” Chan asks excitedly, taking his phone out and showing off the screenshot. Seungkwan drops his own phone.

”I sent it to you guys?” Seungkwan was in embarrassment — not the first time, but definitely the worst one.

”Yeah. You were drunk.” Wonwoo said, swallowing his own self in the secondhand embarrassment.

”Oh, and look. You didn’t say anything about having no strings attached.” Chan says, excited in his spot.

“Look, Seungkwan. There’s nothing wrong with telling the guy how you feel. If things go the way you wanted it to go, then good for you. If things go the complete opposite, heal and move on.” Wonwoo says, now back to his indifferent self, flicking through the options that both he and Chan have for movie date.

“Will you really go live your life and look back on it, wishing you should have told him?” Chan asks. Seungkwan bites on his nails.

”Cause I’d rather risk it today than regret tomorrow.” Chan leans back on the couch, all cozied up in Wonwoo’s arms.

”Stop biting your nails. Jesus.”

* * *

Joshua and Seokmin look at each other, trying to fully absorb the talkative Kim Mingyu — ranting about no one but Boo Seungkwan.

”It was amazing the last week, and he was immaculate in bed and I have no idea wha- can you guys say something?” Seokmin snaps out of his thoughts, thinking about the creamy cake in front of him.

And yeah, Kim Mingyu was talking about sex — loudly at that — in a peaceful cafe. Seokmin would be embarrassed, but it wasn’t the first time. Joshua, on the other hand, was apologizing to the other customers in the cafe.

”You were saying?” Seokmin asks, and Mingyu groans. “I’m kidding. Look, the cake by the counter looks immaculate.” Mingyu rolls his eyes.

”You mentioned something about immaculate, right?” Seokmin asks, before buying himself the scrumptious cake. “Yeah, and you probably spaced out looking at the cake when I said it.” Mingyu says, frustrated.

”Could you maybe buy me a slice too, pumpkin?” Joshua asks, and his boyfriend nods. Joshua looks back at Mingyu, “Maybe ask them if they have some aspirin too?”

Mingyu hisses at Joshua, who was taking in too much information.

”Cut to the chase, Mingyu. Do you like him, as in the person you want to take on cafe dates like the couple by the other table or not?” Joshua cuts to the chase. He wasn’t hearing another word from Mingyu ranting about their sexual intercourse and whatever they did in the bedroom while everyone in the cafe looked at them as if they won’t hesitate to pour their coffee on their heads.

Seokmin huffs back to his seat, with nothing but empty hands, glaring at Mingyu along the way.

”Babe? Where’s your cake?” Joshua asks frantically, “Where’s the aspirin?”

”They pulled out a paper with the words ‘We reserve the right to refuse services to customers’. I didn’t know they could do that.” Seokmin grunts.

Both of them glare at Mingyu.

”Oh shit, was I talking too loudly?” Joshua wanted to punch the hell out of his friend, but Seokmin knew him best and calmed him down by rubbing his thigh.

”Okay, I’m sorry you couldn’t get your cake and aspirin, but I gotta run.” Mingyu says, as his phone vibrated.

Seungkwan texted.

_**Let’s see each other again. Tonight.** _

Mingyu bit his lip, butterflies in his stomach all of a sudden. It was such a simple text, but his smile displayed as if Joker took over him.

”Seungkwan?” Seokmin asks, and Mingyu nods — not prying his eyes away from his phone.

Mingyu stands up, grabbing his jacket that was hanging by his own chair, leaving some cash on the table for his pay of the coffee they had, before they were granted a non-service card by the employees.

”Okay, Mingyu. Listen to me.” Joshua grabs Mingyu’s wrist before he left. Both Seokmin and Joshua stood up.

”Your smile says something else. It’s okay to like him. It’s okay to finally tell him. You won’t lose him, I promise you.” Joshua says.

_He listened to me._

* * *

Mingyu arrives at Seungkwan's penthouse, just five minutes earlier than the agreed time. Mingyu was never usually early, especially with the whole fuck buddy agreement. They were both greedy, and basically the whole couldn't-get-their-hands-off of each other phase a year ago; but Mingyu was never one to arrive that early just for sex, especially when he just felt like moping around in his bedroom, while Minghao — his room mate — would knock on his door multiple times to at least eat an apple for the day.

But these days, he didn't want to waste time. Especially if it was Seungkwan.

Seungkwan, on the other hand, would care less if his bedroom was a mess. The sheets and his clothes would be all over the place, stains of coffee by the bed sheets and on his white tees. Basically, he was a mess

Until Mingyu told him he loved everything neat.

Best believe that Seungkwan had his white tees dry-cleaned every week, just so they smelled like roses and Downy (and not reeking of Iced Americano). Seungkwan would vacuum his whole place, fix the sheets — maybe sprinkle a dash of rose petals just so the sex would feel intimate — and preparing the champagne or any kind of liquor that Seungkwan felt would satisfy their nights.

They did such little things they have never done when they first started. Yet, they don't realize it.

Seungkwan answers the door, after fixing his simple white tee. Seungkwan smiles as he sees Mingyu by the doorway, chocolates and flowers in hand. _This was new_. Seungkwan thought. His heart could leap out from his chest just because of flowers that would wilt after days, and chocolates that would be in his stomach in a matter of seconds. He accepts them and invites Mingyu in.

"What's the occasion?" Seungkwan asked, and Mingyu simply shrugged.

"Just felt like giving these tonight. Don't you like them?" Mingyu bit his lip, fidgeting with his fingers. _Cute_. Seungkwan thought. "I _love_ them. Thank you. I'll put these in a vase. Please, make yourself comfortable." Seungkwan sounded like a flight attendant, asking how Mingyu was in his stay in the plane. He mentally curses at himself.

Seungkwan came back in a matter of minutes, placing the beautiful lilacs in the middle of his dining table. He smiled as he appreciated the colors that went together before he left to accommodate Mingyu — who was by the couch.

"So," Mingyu was definitely nervous. Seungkwan could tell. "Why did you call me tonight?" Mingyu asks. Seungkwan was surprised that Mingyu suspected something else other than them probably in bed, doing the nasty. But they would have done that instantly when Mingyu entered his humble abode.

Here goes nothing.

"Um, sit down." Seungkwan says, and Mingyu's heart could drop at any second. He wasn't mentally prepared of what Seungkwan was going to say — hell, he was scared to even be here at 6 PM in the night, and knowing Seungkwan, he would call him up at midnight. Nevertheless, he had to prepare himself of what Seungkwan was going to say.

The bad news was, Mingyu was bad at coping with situations like this.

He overthinks this at the instant, and what he was thinking right now was a pain in his ass and a pain in his, as cliche as it sounded, heart. _Will he stop this agreement? Will he tell me he likes me like I do with him? What if there was someone better sexing him up, and he fell in love with whoever the hell that person was?_ Mingyu was definitely scared.

"Okay, here goes." Seungkwan starts off, and Mingyu shuts down in an instant. His eyes shut tightly, his fists clenched hard. He wasn't ready, and the next thing he says was something that came out off of pure instinct.

"I like you."

"We can't do this anymore."

Both of them say at the same time. The hurt in Seungkwan's eyes were something that Mingyu wanted to tear off his face, and he was the sole reason for it. _How dumb can you be, Kim Mingyu?_

_No. I wanted to say I'm falling in love with you._

* * *

_That_. That was the worst possible scenario that Seungkwan thought of just two months ago and it happened the month after.

It was another day for Seungkwan, the typical Iced Americano as he typed away on his desk by his balcony. Seungkwan remembers the time where Mingyu teased him in the same spot, with a cigarette and champagne in his hand. He remembers how Mingyu would nibble on his neck, and things went _great_ that night. Seungkwan remembers the small actions that Mingyu did that night, kissing him on the temple and telling him he was amazing.

Seungkwan chuckles at the memories he remembered with Mingyu. It wasn't like they talked here and there, or met up with each other after the disaster of a heartbreak that Seungkwan experienced the last month. In fact, they were doing really great together.

After all the endless crying in Seungkwan's penthouse that night, and endless Mingyu explaining how he fucked up with his words, they were definitely happy together.

☕️

_"No! Wait, please stop crying Seungkwan. I didn't mean it that way." Mingyu pleads as he holds on to Seungkwan who was about to burst into tears._

_"Look, I love you. I **love** you, Seungkwan." Mingyu says, frantically. Seungkwan looks up at him, not sure if he was telling the truth._

_"I know you won't believe me after what I said, and I was so stupid to have my insecurities and fear of losing you get the best of me." Mingyu holds on to Seungkwan for dear life, trying to calm him down. "We can't do this anymore, this whole fuck buddy agreement, whatever this is called." Mingyu looks intently on Seungkwan, admiring his glistening eyes._

_"We can't do this anymore, because I love you."_

☕️

"What you up to, pumpkin?" Mingyu asks, a cup of coffee in his hand as he kisses Seungkwan on the cheek, chuckling at his bare-faced boyfriend. "What?" Mingyu asks.

"Pumpkin? Where did you get that endearment from? Cinderella's farm?" Seungkwan asks, jokingly as his boyfriend pouts.

"Pumpkin is sweet." Mingyu mentally notes to thank Joshua for the sudden endearment. "Too much?" Mingyu asked, and Seungkwan shakes his head.

"I think it's sweet. Definitely like you." Seungkwan says, getting up to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. Mingyu's bare face turning pink from the casual compliment his boyfriend says.

Suddenly, he doesn't need a sweetener. Seungkwan was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaahhhh another story done. wow, i've been drained out of my mind to think of tropes and prompts but seventeen is the only thing that's keeping me going.
> 
> anyway, i would love to dedicate this story to my friend, zel. hey, zel! if you're reading this, i love you and i'll cherish you forever. i hope you enjoy this gyuboo fic. thank you for donating as well, and commissioning for this fic. it was a pleasure to write for you. i love you.
> 
> anw, shameless plug coming thru.
> 
> if u guys want to read more of my stories (consists of mostly socmed aus and writeas drabbles), go follow me at @BSKJEON on twitter (or not). my stories consist of mostly filo/english. hihi 
> 
> ok. that’s all. ily.


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